i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
