i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize