nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
