No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
