She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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