I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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