So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I can't turn off my feet"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
