I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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