Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
