If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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