Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
this hospital has no fireball
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
