capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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