Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
