if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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