I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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