it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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