you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
