she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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