is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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