Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My boob is missing a layer of skin
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Holy shit dude........stairs
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