I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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