I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
