There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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