Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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