I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
