Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
