Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
