if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
