New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize