I'm jealous of your bromance
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
