So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
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I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
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The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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