dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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