You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
