Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I have post one night stand depression
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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