She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
