Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
