Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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