he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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