You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
