My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
