please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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