my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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