I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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