Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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