My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
