My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
