I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize