Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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