I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm at about main and main street
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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