My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
