oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
