Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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