I'm really into asian looking animals
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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