I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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