More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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