I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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