it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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