YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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