I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
