Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Come share oat with me in your robe
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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