His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
