He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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