GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
