Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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