No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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