Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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