Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
