Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
