You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
