I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
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I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
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I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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