So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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