You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
