i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
