He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
