There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I smell like Dick and happiness
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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