Sober January is a disaster.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Everyone says I win the strip club
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
