i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
