i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
