i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
