Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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